My noble Lord Erik

[Torben]

Noble Lord Erik,

I'm afraid I have recently received yet another communication from that 1 legged self declared King person, Broar Hofarson, who has asked me to pass it on to you. As I have desperately sought to explain to other recipients of correspondence from this individual please 'don't shoot the messenger' as all I am doing is conveying his strange rantings to you all.

You know I have nothing but respect, admiration and praise to you, a most magnificent man who has helped me immeasurably since my arrival to Boldhome and someone I look up to with great respect, a fellow Orlanthi and great personage within the City. I shall remain, always, your most humble and devoted servant and friend.

Anyway this is what his letter reads -

" Dear Erik, my old chum,

Well, what a disaster eh....word reaches me that you've been having 'woman problems', some snooty sort has snubbed you, not once but TWICE!! How truly shocking for you and, I imagine, utterly embarrassing, being given the old 'heave ho' in front of all those important people and as for the gossip....blimey I bet your ears must have been burning a fair bit!

However, not all is lost my old friend, for good old Broar is on hand to help you out! Yes, it just so happens that I have in stock a couple of special tonics that can sort all of this utter mess out for you.....interested...I bet you are! Firstly I've got a very rare love potion, brewed by an old dryad that I encountered a while back and absolutely GUARANTEED to get the woman of your dreams falling into your arms the moment she drinks it! All you need do is pour it into a goblet of wine or some such beverage, get her to take a swig and before you can say Yelmalio is a Sun God she'll be sat in your lap promising to love you forever!

The other brew I have is something that can help with a related problem that has reached my ears, this somewhat delicate matter of Yealla, or whatever her name is, being all disappointed over the fact that your a little lacking in the....how shall I say it....'downstairs area'....a bit light in the old trousers....there was some reference to being 'hung like a baby carrot'...that's what I think I overheard? Anyway, fret ye not Erik for with this unique tonic using a blend of unicorn's horn, powdered tusker hooves and giant marrow juice snooty Yealla will never be disappointed again!

Of course, these things don't come cheap they'd normally go for around 300 lunars a piece but, what with it being you, my old pal and everything I can let you have them both for 500 lunars.....that's a 100 lunars discount, bargain eh to have all your problems solved in one go, especially the second one!! All you need do is drop off the money at the Chalana Arroy Temple and I'll arrange for one of my cult Broar the Benevolent initiates to pop along and collect it and leave the potions in a bag for you.....a discrete brown bag, well secured and just marked for the attention of Erik S.

No need to thank me, that's what friends are for and you can always buy me an ale or two when I get back to Boldhome sometime in the future.

All the very best.

King Broar Hofarson
Asst Rune Lord of Chalana Arroy
People's Champion"

That was the content of his letter and I leave it to you to do as you will, personally speaking from what I've learnt about him the fellow is a scoundrel and a swindler so I wouldn't pay him a single lunar.

Sincere and respectful regards,

Torben

P.S I would send a reply to the scoundrel telling him to stop using me as his messenger but I have no idea where he is so am at a loss how to notify him.

[Erik]

My dear Torben,

Should you receive any further missives from this person, please use them for their best purpose. Tear them into suitable sized pieces and hang them in the privy.
My best wishes,

Erik Stargazer