To: The Deputy of Public Harmony

[Torben]

Hail, Most Noble Deputy,

As you may recall I recently contacted your fine Office to register my concerns regarding one, Erik Stargazer (aka Erik Starkraving).

I detailed my belief, and with good cause, that this individual should be arrested with immediate effect upon the grounds that he is a serious threat to the wellbeing and safety of Boldhome residents, due to the fact that the man is a psychopath, plain and simple!

This was publicly demonstrated during the past month when he sought to take up arms against a peaceful citizen, i.e. me (!), whilst I was on route to join the cult of Chalana Arroy, divine Goddess of peace and harmony (very important, this Harmony business, as I'm sure you'll agree!). Can you imagine that Noble Deputy, a man so crazed by his desire for blood and slaughter that he seeks to stick two fingers up at the Mother of Mercy herself, the universally embraced Goddess of niceness, loved by so many, respected by those of other cult following, just to sate his burning lust....terrible....awful...surely now worthy of instant, top priority, apprehension, imprisonment, trial and execution.

Of course, being a devout member of Chalana Arroy, I would not normally call for the death of another, gosh no, almost perish the unholy thought, BUT...BUT....some times one must make a personal sacrifice - I'll do a few pious 'Hail Mother Chalanas' when I'm next at worship - for the greater good. So, after deep reflection and much soul searching, my conscious is clear and he has to go, this Erik pyscho, it's for the greater good if you kill him after a trial and all that stuff.

I'll leave it in your capable hands then, Noble Deputy, I can rest assured it's all going to be sorted. If you could just be kind enough to update me once your chaps have picked him up as then I'll be able to relax a bit, knowing he's off the roads.

Humble and respectful regards,

Broar H

P.S Once he's executed would it be ok to have the corpse? You see, we in Chalana Arroy are always keen to further our medical and healing skills so the use of a corpse / cadaver can much assist us in such aims and hacking up - ooops, silly me, I mean dissecting - dead Erik we can examine the brain for the cause of his psychosis which will be mighty useful. An additional benefit, in this case, given that the deceased will be of the Colymar tribe will enable us to check out if there is any truth in the numerous rumours that circulate around the City that all Colymar males have very small...ummh...errr..well, I have to be direct...sort of, whilst being respectful....very small 'tackle', the old 'family jewels' etc. Personally I very much suspect this to be the case but once we chop his off and pickle it in a jar then it can be displayed amongst our medical exhibits, with a large label on the jar - EMASCULATED BITS of ERIK STARGAZER (Colymar) - so people can see it and learn the rumours are fact!

P.P.S I'm still up for serving as a Ferret, I'd be a great asset for the Public Harmony team, very committed, good connections etc. Feel free to let me know where I sign the relevant paperwork.