Dear Messrs Fugger, Barings and Rothschild, Bankers, Financial Advisors and Moneylenders,
I have, as yet, not needed to personally deal with your good selves, but I am aware of the good services you provide for the good people of Boldhome. I thought you may be interested in the following information.
You recently declined a loan to one Broaranna Hofarsdaughter on the grounds of monies owing from her "relatives" Broar and Brear Hofarson. In actuality Broar, Brear and Broaranna are one and the same person. When "Broar" apparently fled Boldhome rather than appear at court martial for desertion he merely changed his appearance and called himself Brear. Likewise, when "Brear" was threatened with a cult tribunal for promoting Chaos, he put on a dress and called himself Broaranna. Had you not been wise enough to decline "her" request for a loan you would no doubt soon be getting solicitations from Bruar, Briar and Bryer Hofarson.
I have no doubt that your well skilled team of debt collectors, Bruiser Bill and Kneecapper Neville will be able to track this rogue down and hopefully force them to the Front in disgrace. I have challenged "Broaranna" to a duel at dawn at the Dragongate at the start of this coming month. I would ask that you leave the wretch able to face me, but as they have never had the courage to do so up to now I fear the possibility this time is equally remote.
Good luck in recovering your money,
Erik Stargazer
Lt. Warlord Mularik's Company
Assistant Runelord of Orlanth
Aide to City Lawspeaker
Colymar Tribe.
To the Guild of Moneylenders
Re: To the Guild of Moneylenders
To: The Entire Collection of Money Lending Businesses in Boldhome,
Esteemed Persons,
I have become aware....sigh, yet again.....of another missive that has been issued by Boldhome's infamous resident raging lunatic Evil Erik Starkraving, who goes under the alias of Erik Stargazer. This 'individual' has a long history of mental irregularity, caused by the assortment of voices competing for attention within his head which, sadly, have resulted in him going completely insane....in fact, not just insane, but psychotically insane with a raging desire to spill blood and maim people as exhibited by his constant issuing of duels, threats and rants. Despite repeated attempts by numerous Chalana Arroy Healers seeking to help him all such efforts have failed and the fellow is now on a list upon the wall of the Chalana Arroy Temple that is titled "Hopeless psychotic nutters for whom only permanent incarceration and containment is the best treatment", and when I say list, it's more of a one line really as his is the only name on it.
Anyway, getting back to the immediate matter in hand that of more blatant lies by Evil Erik and, even more importantly, the chance for me to be able to prove unequivocally to you all that what he has said is utter b******s! I am not Broar or Brear or any other Hofar I am me....Broaranna Hofarsdaughter, a person and a lady in my own right. All this nonsense about us being one and the same is, like everything else Evil Erik comes up with, utter fantasy and all you need do is ask the Twin Spears who their Regimental Healer is and they will tell you Broaranna, good old Broaranna, Hofarsdaughter. Likewise pop over to the highly respected Chalana Arroy Temple and ask to speak to their top Initiate and they will reply "Oh, you'll be wanting to see blessed Broaranna Hofarsdaughter then"!
See, you have clear proof of Evil Erik's delusions and his obsessive compulsive need to keep hounding me within the City because he is so jealous that I am a good, kind and valuable member of our community while he is just a rough, aggressive and mad lunatic. I did try my best to analyse the root cause of his problems, these voices I mentioned before, and I think that I have may have made the link from speaking - in total confidence of course - to several members of Mularik's Company and one of his ex lovers. The troopers who had been with him on campaign and just happened to be next to him when he had need to answer the 'call of nature' said that while Erik made boasts about how big his regimental sword is when it came down to the size of his own 'weapon' the reality was somewhat different, in fact the total opposite. One of the troopers even asked me to stop taking notes for a bit as he couldn't contain his laughter any longer at the recollection of it all and how whispers had later circulated around the men about 'Itsy Bitsy Erik' as the nickname for him became! When I spoke to his ex lover that poor fellow, who wishes to remain nameless, said he was so shocked when they first shared intimate liaisons he thought Erik was a woman...apparently it was only after some considerable time and much desperate searching and fumbling that he discovered the 'Disappointing truth', his words, not mine, that Erik was a male, albeit barely when it came to that 'particular department'! So, there you have it I'm pretty sure that's the reason why he is like he is....tragic really....still, we currently seem stuck with him.....sigh....
Oh, I seem to have got a bit diverted in my attentions there as I was leading up to how you can ensure total 110% proof of Erik's lies. If you reverse this previous misinformed, I'm prepared to accept unintentional error, decision not to allow me a loan we can show all of Boldhome that Broaranna Hofarsdaughter is true to her word. Advance me the sum of 1100 lunars forthwith, upon the usual repayment terms and I guarantee you not only full repayment at the end of 6 months but 20%...hang on...make that 50%...yes 50% interest on top!! You fellows will be raking in the cash from me and then you'll be able to tell Evil Erik to stick his rantings up his a**e and Broaranna Hofarsdaughter is a damn decent lady.
Broaranna Hofarsdaughter
A person and lady in her own right
Esteemed Persons,
I have become aware....sigh, yet again.....of another missive that has been issued by Boldhome's infamous resident raging lunatic Evil Erik Starkraving, who goes under the alias of Erik Stargazer. This 'individual' has a long history of mental irregularity, caused by the assortment of voices competing for attention within his head which, sadly, have resulted in him going completely insane....in fact, not just insane, but psychotically insane with a raging desire to spill blood and maim people as exhibited by his constant issuing of duels, threats and rants. Despite repeated attempts by numerous Chalana Arroy Healers seeking to help him all such efforts have failed and the fellow is now on a list upon the wall of the Chalana Arroy Temple that is titled "Hopeless psychotic nutters for whom only permanent incarceration and containment is the best treatment", and when I say list, it's more of a one line really as his is the only name on it.
Anyway, getting back to the immediate matter in hand that of more blatant lies by Evil Erik and, even more importantly, the chance for me to be able to prove unequivocally to you all that what he has said is utter b******s! I am not Broar or Brear or any other Hofar I am me....Broaranna Hofarsdaughter, a person and a lady in my own right. All this nonsense about us being one and the same is, like everything else Evil Erik comes up with, utter fantasy and all you need do is ask the Twin Spears who their Regimental Healer is and they will tell you Broaranna, good old Broaranna, Hofarsdaughter. Likewise pop over to the highly respected Chalana Arroy Temple and ask to speak to their top Initiate and they will reply "Oh, you'll be wanting to see blessed Broaranna Hofarsdaughter then"!
See, you have clear proof of Evil Erik's delusions and his obsessive compulsive need to keep hounding me within the City because he is so jealous that I am a good, kind and valuable member of our community while he is just a rough, aggressive and mad lunatic. I did try my best to analyse the root cause of his problems, these voices I mentioned before, and I think that I have may have made the link from speaking - in total confidence of course - to several members of Mularik's Company and one of his ex lovers. The troopers who had been with him on campaign and just happened to be next to him when he had need to answer the 'call of nature' said that while Erik made boasts about how big his regimental sword is when it came down to the size of his own 'weapon' the reality was somewhat different, in fact the total opposite. One of the troopers even asked me to stop taking notes for a bit as he couldn't contain his laughter any longer at the recollection of it all and how whispers had later circulated around the men about 'Itsy Bitsy Erik' as the nickname for him became! When I spoke to his ex lover that poor fellow, who wishes to remain nameless, said he was so shocked when they first shared intimate liaisons he thought Erik was a woman...apparently it was only after some considerable time and much desperate searching and fumbling that he discovered the 'Disappointing truth', his words, not mine, that Erik was a male, albeit barely when it came to that 'particular department'! So, there you have it I'm pretty sure that's the reason why he is like he is....tragic really....still, we currently seem stuck with him.....sigh....
Oh, I seem to have got a bit diverted in my attentions there as I was leading up to how you can ensure total 110% proof of Erik's lies. If you reverse this previous misinformed, I'm prepared to accept unintentional error, decision not to allow me a loan we can show all of Boldhome that Broaranna Hofarsdaughter is true to her word. Advance me the sum of 1100 lunars forthwith, upon the usual repayment terms and I guarantee you not only full repayment at the end of 6 months but 20%...hang on...make that 50%...yes 50% interest on top!! You fellows will be raking in the cash from me and then you'll be able to tell Evil Erik to stick his rantings up his a**e and Broaranna Hofarsdaughter is a damn decent lady.
Broaranna Hofarsdaughter
A person and lady in her own right